I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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