Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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