remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
