My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
