i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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