You can't motorboat a personality
I smell stomach acid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
