Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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