come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
