Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
