your parents love me but you hate me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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