The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
