if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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