You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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