After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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