u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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