Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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