Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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