Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
