Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
