Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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