i just had sex bonerless
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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