Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
