Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
