i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
