dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
