I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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