I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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