i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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