my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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