who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
