Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
