Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
