I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
