A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize