Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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