I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
