her vagine was all disorganized.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
