youre lurking in front of me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
