i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
