And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
