The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
