When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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