Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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