I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
