so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
