I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
