At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
