That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
