You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
