the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
