He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
