im drinking this country out of the recession.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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