yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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