I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
