lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
