There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
