I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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