is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
