I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
