you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think my moral compass just broke
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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