I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
