i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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