Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
