Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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