Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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