He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
