I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
