It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
soo... how was my night?
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