i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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