With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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