You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
