we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
