Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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