I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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