Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
