he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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