I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
