Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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