Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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