Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
