You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
