whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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