I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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