his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh god it's open bar.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
