what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
