why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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