Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
