I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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